WEIGHT-LOSS ENTHUSIAST, TV DOctor
Doctor Mehmet Oz for PA Senate in 2022
Liberal Hollywood doctors are a scourge on this nation and one of my first steps as Senator will be to open this once exclusive job market to all Americans through an exciting business opportunity called Healership.
After a short seminar and attunement ritual to the water god Ukulan-tojon you too can help spread the products and gospel of Healership throughout all of Pennsylvania’s small villages and Facebook groups.
WHY AM I RUNNING?
Today the small villages of America are overun with big-city doctors, much like the movie Doc Hollywood forewarned. I believe we need to replenish our nation’s Healers, and properly attune them to the Great Water God Ukulan-tojon.
After attunement, our Healers will attend an intensive two-day seminar at New York City’s Trump Tower. There you will learn about the many exciting business opportunities that Healership can bring your small village or Facebook group.
“I would take us all back a thousand years, when our ancestors lived in small villages and there was always a healer in that village—and his job wasn’t to give you heart surgery or medication but to help find a safe place for conversation.”
10,000 YEARS* OF SENATE EXPERIENCE
In our nation’s current un-attuned existence the time waves that Ukulon-tojon emanates have been fluctuating wildly ever since I first appeared on television. Many daytime talk show hosts are saying that “a minute can feel like a day” when you are under a camera.
Through careful consultation with certified Astrologists and Healers we’ve determined that during the afternoon of June 17, 2014, I experienced the equivalent of over 10,000 years of “time” while I was being grilled by Missouri Senator McCaskill during a Senate subcommittee hearing for endorsing my magical healing and weight-loss potions on television.
I don’t know why you need to say this stuff, because you know it’s not true. Why—when you have this amazing megaphone and this amazing ability to communicate—would you cheapen your show by saying things like that? – Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill
By 2024 it’s estimated over 40% of US Jobs will be supplied via Healership.
SHOTS BAD. PILLS GOOD!
Recently TV hosts have been saying shots are bad and pills are good. This is great news for Pennsylvania as our great deserts are abundant in herbs and flowers that we can dip into water and then fashion that water into a pill through a careful ritual with the Water Spirit Ukulan.
My team of Tik-Tok Healers will cure poverty, cancel culture, weight-loss, hair-loss, and unfair elections. These will be available through independently owned networks of Healers. Learn how you can join this exciting new workforce today.
HOW CAN I BECOME A HEALER?
It’s easy to begin your journey with Healership. The application process is easy and in no-time you’ll be supplying your village with an extensive inventory of Healership-certified pills as well as marketing materials for your patients and sub-Healer downlines. Simply follow the process below:
Call Your Local Healer
Reach out to your local Healer and learn how to join their sub-Healer downline.
Attend a Seminar
Simply tithe 10% of all future income to your local Healer upline and enjoy our no-cost seminar.
Attune to Ukulan
The Great Water Lord’s approval is crucial – attunement takes only seconds and lasts a lifetime.
Order Medical Supplies
Now that you are ready to Heal you must purchase your initial inventory.
Recruit Sub-Healers
Building a downline network of Sub-Healers will ensure the health of all small villages.
Watch Your Neighbors
Healers will double as police liaisons and are required to report non-Healer activities to authorities.